Practicing Wisdom & Self Control in Starting Conversations

I was that person that if I had something on my mind I would automatically say it. I never took into account if my heart was in a good place or if the timing for the other person was good. And like you could imagine I never got good results. Usually, it would end up with me being angry or the other person being angry or hurt and the conversation being counterproductive.

The Struggle

I brought this habit into my marriage as well. I had almost 24/7 access to my husband, Jonathan and thought it was acceptable to bring anything up at any given time. Although Jonathan did his best to engage with me, more times than not it would end with one of us being upset and the other one feeling defeated and then shut down.

At first, I couldn't understand what was going wrong and why it was so hard to communicate about topics. I began to pray about it. One day I heard God whispering to me the word "wisdom". I didn't exactly know what that meant at first.

God has been tugging on my heart in the area of self control. This story may not originally strike you as a problem with self control but that's what it boils down to. I could not control my tongue/desires so I would start conversations because I wanted results NOW. I wanted to talk about it and fix whatever it was NOW so I could reap the benefits.

Life Change

The Holy Spirit slowly changed my heart and opened my eyes to practicing wisdom and discernment when speaking to people. Now before I start a conversation I access it.

1. Does this glorify God?

2. Does God want me to say this to them or only pray about it and let God reveal it to them?

3. What are my true motives behind talking about this? (It should be coming from our spirit, not our flesh's desire.)

4. Have I prayed for God to take the log out of my own eye first (Matthew 7:5)?

5. Is the timing for the other person good?

6. Am I doing this with love and truth?

Having this perspective truly changed my life. When it becomes less and less about Me and MY needs and only about JESUS and how He can USE me to speak love and truth into people's live for His credit and not mine, the more you see Him move in your life and do BIG things. Jesus is so powerful if we just let Him captivate our thoughts and motives.

It's tempting to think Jesus lived a life so different than us and that the gospel and the bible don't apply to our lives anymore. But the bible and Jesus are SO relevant. Jesus was a master at practicing wisdom and discernment when talking to people and he mostly asked questions.

The Good News

No one is perfect. Most people think following Jesus means he takes us from being "bad" to "good". But actually, he takes us from being "dead" in our sins to "alive" in Him. If you really want to change and stop making the same mistakes or sins that you hate, you need Jesus. He is the only one who can change our hearts and give us the ability to love selflessly. I pray you ask Him to be in your life and believe He died on the cross for our sins and rose again, conquering death.

If you have already accepted Jesus, my prayer for you is that you acknowledge how much you need Jesus on a daily basis, ask Him to give you strength to practice self control, and invite Him into every aspect of your life, not just the little boxes we put Him in.